misandry-mermaid

Anonymous asked:

The TV show Sherlock triggers me because the main guy looks identical to one of my rapists. My boyfriend knows this but yesterday when I was at his house, he had the show on anyways. I tried to deal with it, but I couldn't and asked him to turn it off. He replied with "You need to get over it. It's a TV show, not him." It felt like he was being mean, but maybe I'm overreacting? Should I really just get over it?

selfcareafterrape answered:

Trauma triggers aren’t something that you can just “get over” and no one, especially not your partner, should demand that from you.

Your boyfriend was being mean. Or at the very least, not at all empathetic or caring. It’s true that people who haven’t experienced trauma often don’t have any concept of what it is like to deal with on a day to day basis, but if  you’ve explained that you want to avoid something, he should respect that.

In general, people who don’t “believe in trigger warnings” and shit like that, use the argument that “exposure helps people process trauma, so having your triggers around isn’t a big deal”. 

Nope. Terrible argument, go directly to trashcan. 

Trained professionals can help patients through exposure therapy, but that’s an intensive and *consensual* process. Knowing your triggers and avoiding them when you want to is healthy and normal. It’s more than reasonable to want your boyfriends house to be a safe place for you, and you’re not overreacting at all. He needs to respect your boundaries. What he said was unacceptable. 

Be kind to yourself (and don’t feel obligated to be kind to him about this),
-Michelle

selfcareafterrape:

penanna:

selfcareafterrape:

Comment: The character jesse in breaking bad is EXACTLY likewho raped me. style, mannerisms, use of language… everything is terrifyingly identical. but i pep-talked myself the same way op’s boyfriend did. the character nor the actor are NOT my rapist.

This is something I didn’t address in the original post, and I should have.

I don’t mean to make it sound like triggers are a lifetime sentence to either avoiding something or being terrorized by it.

SCaR’s Masterlist has a lot of good resources for dealing with the immediate aftermath of being triggered, and also longer term emotional self-care

But it is really unfair to call what OP’s boyfriend said a pep-talk. It clearly was said with the intention of getting rid of the inconvenience of his partner’s emotional distress, and directly contradicted their previous conversation’s about the OP’s needs as a survivor. It was flippant and rude and a huge breach of trust.

You’re right, that there are ways we can work to overcome triggers and the lasting vestiges of our trauma. But even in your comment, you say that you made the choice yourself, on your own time. 

The person who asked the question has a right to avoid, process, and overcome their triggers, and the way that worked for you, doesn’t have to be what they choose to do.

I can’t tell if your comment was meant to be supportive, and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it comes across as invalidating and disrespectful of the OP’s autonomy, and I can’t let it slide without some comment.

This blog is not for survivors who invalidate other survivors. (But it totally is for survivors who give well-intended advice and sometimes get misunderstood, I’m still not sure which you are.)
-Michelle

In relation to the OP and response: See I don’t understand people who do this. If you have no triggers, no traumas, you don’t get to dictate how someone manages theirs. A person I previously dated asked me why I got so angry at being triggered, why I couldn’t just tolerate it, why exposure to my triggers wasn’t desensitising me, why did I have tumblr savior. They very quickly got it after I told them - unless they had exactly my triggers from the exact same things, which no-one does - that they had no right to dictate how I manage them or try to recover from them, or even if I try to manage at all, if I completely try to avoid being triggered at all costs, which I do. Ironically the person in question now has triggers of their own, and while I’m not happy that they now have triggers, I’m glad they finally now realise what it’s like to have triggers, and to have people dismiss them.

If you have triggers, people need to respect how you wish to deal with them. If they don’t, then they have no respect for you as a person, and you should either give them a serious stern talking to, or get rid of them.

Bolded for emphasis.
-Michelle

biancashotthewarden

hobbitballerina:

chelseawelseyknight:

witchesbitchesandbritches:

lifeundefeated:

Yea it’s clearly our “generation that’s making homosexuality a trend.” Seriously, pisses me off when people say that. look at this! It’s always been around, it’s not a trend, it’s real. It’s beautiful.

These are really beautiful images.

This makes me really happy

There’s a long history of lesbian-like activity in the West.  In the 19th century US, especially after the Civil War killed off so many young men, middle-class and other genteel girls were encouraged in Boston marriages — relationships with other women of similar educational and class backgrounds.  Since women were considered naturally chaste and disinterested in sex, these love affairs were seen as innocent and spiritual.  Women’s lives were wholly separate from men’s that young women infrequently had male friends who weren’t considered a marriage prospect.  They were encouraged to keep to all-female social circles, and the advent of women’s colleges further encouraged that.  Women were expected to mentor each other, love each other, dance with each other, with the older woman acting as the cavalier, the man in the relationship, protecting and guiding the younger, pursuing her and courting her in ways not unlike how young men would court their brides.  But the prevailing cultural wisdom was that these relationships would be limited to kisses and poetry — women were incapable of sexual desire, they tolerated sex in heterosexual marriages because men were sex-driven beasts who demanded it of them.  Without a man, it was presumed that these relationships would be chaste, innocent, and wholly emotional.  Lesbian-like behaviour is most tolerated when women are perceived as less sexual than men.  Homosexual behaviour becomes threatening when sex is involved — when, in the 1920s, women were seen as able to have sexual drives and the idea of sexually companionable marriages came onto the landscape, Boston marriages suddenly became unnatural and disgusting because they directed women’s sexual interests towards other women instead of to the proper channels: towards men.  The flapper was all about the sexually available (to men) young woman.  She contributed to the demise of widely accepted lesbian or lesbian-like relationships.  As soon as the flapper was capable of wanting sex herself instead of tolerating it from her male partner, lesbian/lesbian-like relationships were threatening, deviant, and ruined young women’s chances to become good wives and mothers.

So remember this as you look at the pre-1920s images.  Those women were allowed these passionate loves, even encouraged in them (sometimes after they managed to get a husband, Eleanor Roosevelt in particular), all because the patriarchy was convinced that women weren’t capable of sexual feelings towards one another.  As long as women were seen as desexed, as creatures of sentiment and emotion instead of passion and desire, lesbianism wasn’t a threat.  The minute women were regarded by patriarchal culture as having a natural sex drive, lesbian-like behaviour became deviant and damning.

We didn’t invent homosexuality in the past 20 or 30 or 50 years.  But we continue to labour under the belief and cultural expectation that women’s sexuality is something owed to and owned by men, forever de-legitimising women’s relationships unless men in some way benefit. 

biancashotthewarden

Anonymous asked:

What is 50 shades of grey about? And what's so bad about it?

aconissa answered:

50 Shades of Grey was originally fanfiction based on the Twilight series, which was then published as a novel (along with 2 subsequent books). It sold over 100 million copies around the world and topped best-seller lists everywhere. It’s about to be adapted into a film, set to come out early next year.

It follows a college student named Ana Steele, who enters a relationship with a man named Christian Grey and is then introduced to a bastardised and abusive parody of BDSM culture.

While the book is paraded as erotica, the relationship between Ana and Christian is far from healthy. The core mantra of the BDSM community is “safe, sane and consensual”, and 50 Shades is anything but. None of the rules of BDSM practices (which are put in place to protect those involved) are actually upheld. Christian is controlling, manipulative, abusive, takes complete advantage of Ana, ignores safe-words, ignores consent, keeps her uneducated about the sexual practices they’re taking part in, and a multitude of other terrible things. Their relationship is completely sickening and unhealthy.

Basically, “the book is a glaring glamorisation of violence against women,” as Amy Bonomi so perfectly put it. 

It’s terrible enough that a book like this has been absorbed by people worldwide. Now, we have a film that is expected to be a huge box-office success, and will likely convince countless more young women that it’s okay not to have any autonomy in a relationship, that a man is allowed to control them entirely. It will also show many young men that women are theirs to play with and dominate, thus contributing to antiquated patriarchal values and rape culture.

anigrrrl2:

Perfectly said. 

whitetears365
descentintotyranny:

FBI pressured Muslims into committing terrorist acts, then arrested them: report
July 21 2014
The FBI encouraged and sometimes even paid Muslims to commit terrorist acts during numerous sting operations after the 9/11 attacks, a human rights group said in a report published Monday.
“Far from protecting Americans, including American Muslims, from the threat of terrorism, the policies documented in this report have diverted law enforcement from pursuing real threats,” said the report by Human Rights Watch.
Aided by Columbia University Law School’s Human Rights Institute, Human Rights Watch examined 27 cases from investigation through trial, interviewing 215 people, including those charged or convicted in terrorism cases, their relatives, defense lawyers, prosecutors and judges.
“In some cases the FBI may have created terrorists out of law-abiding individuals by suggesting the idea of taking terrorist action or encouraging the target to act,” the report said.
In the cases reviewed, half the convictions resulted from a sting operation, and in 30 percent of those cases the undercover agent played an active role in the plot.
“Americans have been told that their government is keeping them safe by preventing and prosecuting terrorism inside the US,” said Andrea Prasow, the rights group’s deputy Washington director.
“But take a closer look and you realize that many of these people would never have committed a crime if not for law enforcement encouraging, pressuring and sometimes paying them to commit terrorist acts.”
US Attorney General Eric Holder has strongly defended the FBI undercover operations as “essential in fighting terrorism.”
“These operations are conducted with extraordinary care and precision, ensuring that law enforcement officials are accountable for the steps they take -– and that suspects are neither entrapped nor denied legal protections,” Holder said July 8 during a visit to Norway.
The HRW report, however, cites the case of four Muslim converts from Newburgh, New York who were accused of planning to blow up synagogues and attack a US military base.
A judge in that case “said the government ‘came up with the crime, provided the means, and removed all relevant obstacles,’ and had, in the process, made a terrorist out of a man ‘whose buffoonery is positively Shakespearean in scope,’” the report said.
The rights group charged that the FBI often targets vulnerable people, with mental problems or low intelligence.
It pointed to the case of Rezwan Ferdaus, who was sentenced to 17 years in prison at age 27 for wanting to attack the Pentagon and Congress with mini-drones loaded with explosives.
An FBI agent told Ferdaus’ father that his son “obviously” had mental health problems, the report said. But that didn’t stop an undercover agent from conceiving the plot in its entirety, it said.
“The US government should stop treating American Muslims as terrorists-in-waiting,” the report concluded.
Mike German, a former FBI agent now with the Brennan Center, said FBI counterterrorism excesses were a source of concern — “concerns that they both violate privacy and civil liberties, and aren’t effective in addressing real threats.”
But JM Berger, a national security expert, said law enforcement faces a dilemma: it can’t just ignore tips or reports about people talking about wanting to commit a terrorist action or seeking support for one.
“The question is how to sort out which cases merit investigation and which do not,” he said.

descentintotyranny:

FBI pressured Muslims into committing terrorist acts, then arrested them: report

July 21 2014

The FBI encouraged and sometimes even paid Muslims to commit terrorist acts during numerous sting operations after the 9/11 attacks, a human rights group said in a report published Monday.

“Far from protecting Americans, including American Muslims, from the threat of terrorism, the policies documented in this report have diverted law enforcement from pursuing real threats,” said the report by Human Rights Watch.

Aided by Columbia University Law School’s Human Rights Institute, Human Rights Watch examined 27 cases from investigation through trial, interviewing 215 people, including those charged or convicted in terrorism cases, their relatives, defense lawyers, prosecutors and judges.

“In some cases the FBI may have created terrorists out of law-abiding individuals by suggesting the idea of taking terrorist action or encouraging the target to act,” the report said.

In the cases reviewed, half the convictions resulted from a sting operation, and in 30 percent of those cases the undercover agent played an active role in the plot.

“Americans have been told that their government is keeping them safe by preventing and prosecuting terrorism inside the US,” said Andrea Prasow, the rights group’s deputy Washington director.

“But take a closer look and you realize that many of these people would never have committed a crime if not for law enforcement encouraging, pressuring and sometimes paying them to commit terrorist acts.”

US Attorney General Eric Holder has strongly defended the FBI undercover operations as “essential in fighting terrorism.”

“These operations are conducted with extraordinary care and precision, ensuring that law enforcement officials are accountable for the steps they take -– and that suspects are neither entrapped nor denied legal protections,” Holder said July 8 during a visit to Norway.

The HRW report, however, cites the case of four Muslim converts from Newburgh, New York who were accused of planning to blow up synagogues and attack a US military base.

A judge in that case “said the government ‘came up with the crime, provided the means, and removed all relevant obstacles,’ and had, in the process, made a terrorist out of a man ‘whose buffoonery is positively Shakespearean in scope,’” the report said.

The rights group charged that the FBI often targets vulnerable people, with mental problems or low intelligence.

It pointed to the case of Rezwan Ferdaus, who was sentenced to 17 years in prison at age 27 for wanting to attack the Pentagon and Congress with mini-drones loaded with explosives.

An FBI agent told Ferdaus’ father that his son “obviously” had mental health problems, the report said. But that didn’t stop an undercover agent from conceiving the plot in its entirety, it said.

“The US government should stop treating American Muslims as terrorists-in-waiting,” the report concluded.

Mike German, a former FBI agent now with the Brennan Center, said FBI counterterrorism excesses were a source of concern — “concerns that they both violate privacy and civil liberties, and aren’t effective in addressing real threats.”

But JM Berger, a national security expert, said law enforcement faces a dilemma: it can’t just ignore tips or reports about people talking about wanting to commit a terrorist action or seeking support for one.

“The question is how to sort out which cases merit investigation and which do not,” he said.

scorpiontoxin

chigar-and-a-waffle:

Okay so here’s the lowdown.


My mother’s ex moved into his moms place with my dog after we moved down to California. His mother has two Shiba Inus, one named Polar and one named Charm. Charm is a narcotic dog. She’s attacked my dog Shadow multiple times now and instead of keeping them separated or training her or even fucking TRYING to fix the problem it keeps happening.

Shadow’s pinned Charm to the floor by her neck once. Never bit down, never left a mark. There’s a scar on my dogs nose from her attacking him. And recently he bit her head and scared her so much she crapped. Janet, Charm’s owner, rushed her to the vet and now it’s either my dog gets put down or he finds a new home.

So this is where I need help. Anybody in Alaska in the Eagle River/ Wasilla/ Anchorage (or anywhere really) Who’s willing and capable to take my dog, I would really really appreciate this. I don’t wanna lose Shadow, I’ve kept him from being put down for stupid reasons multiple times bow and now that I’m not there I can’t save him again.

Please, if all you can do is signal boost this it would be great.

toastyhat

toastyhat:

image

1. Really “midget”?

2. I don’t understand what the problem is.  I really don’t.  If you must know why I made the decision, it’s because I didn’t want her to overlap with Feferi because I’d already placed her body behind Feferi and the trident was in the way.  

But I didn’t think there was any problem with giving her an unusually short stature.  I mean, some people look like that.  And most people draw her quite small anyway!  I’ve drawn super-tall Nepeta before.  I’ve drawn average-size Nepeta before.  I don’t understand why the meeting of Nepeta and “midget” is such an issue for you.

3. In conclusion, yes, really.

scorpiontoxin

thetrekkiehasthephonebox:

Ever hear of LookHuman? You probably know them as the website that has apparel and accessories with catchy slogans and phrases that fit right in with the tumblr community’s sense of humor.

Well, that’s because a large number of those catchy slogans and phrases, along with artwork, were made by tumblr users and used without credit or permission.

That’s right: LookHuman repeatedly and routinely steals/plagiarizes and profits off the work and words of others.

Don’t believe me? Take a look:

  1. Original Post on tumblr:image
    (source)
    Stolen by LookHuman:image
  2. Original Post on tumblr:image
    (source)
    Stolen by LookHuman:image
  3. Original Post on tumblr:image
    (source)
    Stolen by LookHuman:image
  4. Original Post on tumblr:image
    (source)
    Stolen by LookHuman:image
  5. Original Post on tumblr:image
    (source)
    Stolen by LookHuman:
    image
  6. Original Post on tumblr:image
    (source)
    Stolen by LookHuman:image
  7. Original Post on tumblr:
    image

    (source)
    Stolen by LookHuman:
    image

And this is just a short list of the examples I could find easily.

They have also stolen work from other websites as well:

Original Shirt:

image

(source)

Stolen by LookHuman:

image

LookHuman is a company that preys on artists. They profit off other people’s work. None of the money from their sales go back to the original artists or originators of the artwork, slogans, and phrases they use. None of these people were credited.

Bottom line: See a cute shirt with a catchy phrase on LookHuman’s website? Chances are it’s already being sold by the original poster.

Don’t like seeing companies like this thrive? Don’t allow them to.

Email: help@lookhuman.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lookhumandotcom

Tumblr: http://lookhuman.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/look_human

Mail:
122 N Grant Ave
Columbus, Ohio 43215
United States

Tell LookHuman that you do not support art theft and plagiarism, and demand that they stop engaging in these practices. Refuse to buy from their store until they change their policies and begin crediting the artists whose work they are profiting off of.

Protect artists.

Support artists.

Boycott art thieves.